Express your disapproval correctly
Article #4: Express your disapproval correctly
Often showing your discontent and expressing a complaint, we forget as our words can be unpleasant to the interlocutor. After all, very few people like to be discussed or especially criticized. Don't forget that in everything some restraint is necessary.
The principal diversity of the usual criticism from the constructive is not a simple indication of misses, but it also has to be perceived like the guidance in order how to correct the available errors and not allow you to be mistaken hereafter. Remember that "accusation" is not only the legal term, but also - a part of the criticism. In constructive criticism they are simply inadmissible. Remember about "three whales" of competent criticism: the first is positivity; the second is constructiveness, and the third one - the result.
Weigh the effect that you wish to obtain. If it is necessary for you that some report has been written before tomorrow's morning, this is one thing; meanwhile, if you want that the person systematically creates colorful and high-tech presentations - this is another thing. Try to proceed from long-term goals and plans. Often good relations are the main pledge of perfectly performed the work. But familiarity is not that you should use anyway. Before criticizing, ask yourself the following questions (not necessarily aloud): "do I really want to hurt person's feelings?", "do I need ascertainment of relationship or result?" or "do I wish to perform my wittiness or simply to express the thought concerning the situation?"
Don't compare the subordinate or the coworker to other staff. The phrase "Peter does better, and Nicolas earns more and has already become the big chief!" leads only another problem - the person who is criticized will get a mass of complexes.
Don't generalize even if you can recollect the whole university course of the higher mathematics together with the logic course. You shouldn't express your displeasure as follows, "You never consummate any tasks!" Discuss a concrete situation, "This time the project was not finished by you". This rule as well works at home.
Formulate your ideas and suitable thoughts, using a pronoun "I" instead of "you". "I-messages" is the favorite method of psychologists. So, instead of "you filled up the project", tell "I consider that you didn't cope with the project". The distinction is quite obvious. In all honesty, the project doesn't appear less failure due to another formulation, but it is much easier for opponent to accept it, thus that is significant.
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